Counseling for Adults

What’s mine, is mine #ownyourthoughts

By January 10, 2018 May 10th, 2018 No Comments
How often do you find yourself saying something like, “He made me so mad!” or “If she says something like that again, I’m going to x” “Mexican food is fine” when you really wanted Chinese? How often have you changed your opinion to better accommodate someone else? Ever kept quiet because it didn’t “fit” with what someone else has said or done? Ever done things because it’s the way we’ve always done it— even though it doesn’t even works so great?

If this sounds anything like you, I bet you’re feeling completely exhausted in trying to keep up. Constantly waiting on the actions, opinions or words of others to decide then what you will do, say, think or feel. This is called an external locus control- which is the belief that successes, failures, feelings or thoughts are completely out of your control and is the result of something that has gone on on the outside of you (external).

Of course others can influence us. Ever had your eyes tear up during an emotional movie? Ever taken a picture of smiling people and while telling them to “Cheese” you realize your’re smiling too? Others’ actions can stimulate a certain emotion and subsequently a behavior, but ultimately it was you who chose the behavior.

How do you do that? Own it!

  • First you have to ask yourself, what do I wantIf you find yourself answering “I want him to stop” or “I want her to listen to me” try again. What do YOU want? You just told me what you want SOMEONE ELSE to do (which we can’t control). “I want to tell him how I feel when he does that.”
  • Also, you need to identify what you feel.  You can’t expect someone else to know what you’re feeling when you yourself don’t even know.
  • Next, make a commitment but be willing to compromise.  After you’ve decided what you want and how you feel, commit to something but be willing to make a compromise. “I’m in the mood for Chinese food but Mexican is ok if we could get Chinese food later this week.” “I can see how you think LeBron James is a talented basketball player but I still think Stephen Curry has more to offer.”
  • Own it.  Own your thoughts, own your feelings, and own your actions. All of these are products of you. You have the ability to control your actions. No one can MAKE you do or feel anything. If someone could make you mad, doesn’t that stand to reason someone could MAKE you happy. And if that were the case, someone who loves you would have done that for you already.
Sarah Almendariz

Author Sarah Almendariz

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